Eternity Prep… October 26, 2009

“Your mission, dear mother, is not to make your children happy, but to prepare them for eternity…You must relentlessly evangelize their never-dying souls.” (Womanly Dominion p. 127-128)

That’s a quote I ran across one day that has been burned in my mind ever since. My mission as a mother is not to make my children happy, but to prepare them for eternity. Oh that’s all? (I hope you can sense my sarcasm.) What in the world does it mean to prepare your children for eternity? And what does that mean for me when more times than not I find myself trying to make up for the 8 & 6 years that I wasn’t able have Angel & Christal?

I’ve come to the conclusion that it means the same thing for me as it does any other parent. We are called to disciple our children or prepare them for eternity… I think that sounds a little more dramatic and urgent . I’m finding that it’s a much bigger task than I expected. When you are responsible for discipling your children there is no room for insecurities, excuses or plans to get to it when they’re older. The time is now. We can’t wait until we get everything straight in our own lives… let’s face it we’re all a hot mess.

It also seems pretty near impossible to disciple my child “in the way he should go,” without  having an ever-growing relationship with Christ myself. I have to do it out of the overflow, otherwise they can see right through me. If I’m not spending consistent time with the Lord how will I ever expect to teach Angel & Christal to? If I don’t treat  Matt with the honor and respect that he deserves as my husband and the head of our house, how will they ever learn to be a godly wife? It is imperative that I walk in the Spirit and live all of life trying my best to lay my flesh aside moment by moment if I ever expect to prepare two little girls for eternity.

Almost daily we are faced with opportunities to impart wisdom, teach, pray and redirect our children. If I’m not in tune with God, I will miss so many opportunities that He has lined out for me. I can’t sit back and think of all the times I haven’t gotten it right or missed opportunities, I have to choose today to walk in the Spirit and live that out in front of Angel & Christal. Then I have to do it all over again tomorrow.

There are so many lies that the stupid devil likes to throw at us, but we have to remember they’re lies. It’s never too late to start disciplining. Jesus Christ has the power to change any human life… yours, mine and our children. At the end of the day parents are still the ones that are responsible for preparing our children for eternity… relentlessly evangelizing their never-dying souls.

Clarification… October 19, 2009

I didn’t realize how passionate people would be about the whole dancing post. It opened my eyes to the various people who I didn’t even knew read the blog and also to the fact that maybe I didn’t communicate very well. I would just like to clarify…

I’m all about dancing in church, but dancing like a crazy person and turning around to see if people are looking is a whole other story. I haven’t told the girlsthey can’t dance. In fact I have encouraged them to do whatever they think would bring God the most glory, if it’s dancing, then dance, but do it for Him and not the other people watching.

I can say with full confidence that I haven’t crushed their spirits or scarred them for life. I really just think it’s a part of discipling them. There are things that are appropriate during the music portion of worship and things that are inappropriate and for some crazy reason, God has given Matt and I the responsibility of teaching them those things. We don’t always get it right, but we are doing the best we can with God leading every step.

Christal got her groove on during the music at church last night and I was completely ok with it. She was doing things for the right reason. I know it has made me check my heart to see why I do or don’t do things… and not just at church.

Dancing Machine… October 12, 2009

It has been brought to my attention that there are times during the music at church that my sweet little buddies can be a bit of a distraction, the littlest more so than the other. I had every intention of bringing it up during the week, but it just slipped my mind. I was quickly reminded during the first song when Christal started doing some crazy motions.

So during the welcome time I took the sisters aside and did my best to explain to them that we are there to worship God and give him all of our attention. They were totally in agreement. Then I transitioned as carefully as I could, as to not crush their spirits, to talk to them about people being distractions that bring others’ attention away from God and onto them. They were still in full agreement. I knew they didn’t get it, so I had to be a bit more blunt.

I told Christal that sometimes when she’s doing all her dancing and motions that people are paying attention to her and not God. She put her head down and said, “Mrs. Jess, I just can’t help it. When the music starts my body has to move.” She was dead serious. I tried my best to keep a straight face and explain that she can move in the confines of her space, but she can’t move outside of her box. She was ok with that.

We went back in and she stayed in her area. I couldn’t help but think that I somehow ruined that sweet excitement she gets during the music portion of worship. I’m sure as she gets older she’ll figure out the balance between dancing for God and putting on a show.

I can honestly say I don’t ever remember having that conversation with my parents. Am I the only parent that has a kid that just has to “move her body” when the music starts?

There is never a dull moment at our house…

I Miss My Mom… October 5, 2009

It’s been roughly a month since the girls last saw their mom. Since their last visit things have been really good. Everyone’s behavior has improved, grades have improved and attitudes are generally positive. I know that the fact that they know they’re not going anywhere has some to do with it. I also know that they are going to have to deal with the reality of not seeing their parents again at some point.

Friday night was the first of what I assume will be many melt downs. We were cleaning house and having a good time doing it. I went to check on the girls and they were folding sheets and Angel was crying. I asked her what was wrong and she just shook her head. Christal told Angel that if she didn’t tell me than she would. So Angel looked up at me and simply said, “I miss my mom.”

I sat down next to her so we could talk about it. I told her that of course she misses her mom and that’s completely ok and normal. Then I asked her what made her think about it. Earlier she and Christal were cleaning out their desk and she ran across some postcards. I saw them the other day and wondered if she was keeping them for something. Well, she was going through her stuff and decided to read them. They were cards that she wrote to her mom when she first came to stay with us. Basically she wrote them to tell her mom about how much fun she was having, all the people she’d met and places she’d been. She never gave them to her mom because she messed up on them. She wished she would have given them to her, even though she messed up on them.

By this time,the child that’s almost as big as I am was in my lap sobbing. We talked a little more about the things she missed about her mom. I assured her that I wanted to walk through this every step of the way, that I love her very much and that we would all get through this together.

Matt was in the living room and heard every bit of it. He just nodded his head. We knew it was coming, we just didn’t know when. After the tears were dried up, Matt asked the girls if everything was ok and Angel told him she was crying because she missed her mom. He told her that it was ok for her to cry about her mom. Christal chimed in, “Mr. Matt, I cried a little too.” We just looked at each other and smiled. Keep in mind she didn’t seem to be upset minutes before . I love that kid…

It’s going to be a long road and we’re very aware of it. We are just trying to respond the way Jesus would. No kid should ever have to process this stuff, but they do and we want to help them do it in the most healing way possible.

Court… October 1, 2009

Yesterday was the termination trial. Because the girls’ mom already surrendered her parental rights, we only had to go to trial to terminate their dad’s rights. It was an interesting day to say the least. I saw alot. The guy sitting next to me was a 15 year boy who had been arrested for distribution of crack. We chatted a while and I told him what I would tell any of the teenagers that I work with… I told him he should stop and that there was a better way to live. He shrugged his shoulders.

Sitting across from him was a mother who had her child removed from her home two days earlier because she overdosed on some prescription drugs and got pulled over with the kid in the car. She got there late and missed her review, but they went ahead and let her do her review last so she had to wait the rest of the day. She just rocked back and forth and fidgeted the whole time. She asked the teenager what he was there for and he told her and she started getting onto him for making such a bad choice. She said, “look at me, you don’t want to end up like this. You have your whole life ahead of you. You can do anything you want.” I got a lump in my throat. Next to her was a couple that was dressed up in what I’m sure was their best. You could tell that they were trying to give a good impression, but something was just awkward. They were there to find out if they would get their baby back. They completed their case plan and the outcome looked promising for them.

There were several other mothers that were there that had children that had been removed from their care. Some kids were with relatives and others “in the system”. So there I was, the foster parent. The one that in their eyes is the enemy. The one that in their mind abuses their children. I only know this because I heard all of them talking about it. Needless to say, I didn’t offer up why I was there. Instead, I just listened to their stories and managed to be involved in conversations without them knowing which side I represented. Funny they never even asked.

I saw alot yesterday… alot of hopelessness, despair, addiction, anxiety, anger, bitterness and on and on. It was heart breaking. While I saw alot, what I didn’t see was the girls’ dad. I knew he wouldn’t be there, but I still kind of hoped he would show up. Not so he could get his girls back… heck no, but I wanted him to fight for them. I can’t imagine what it would  feel like having my dad not even fight for me and my mom give me up. They deserve better than that. In 20 short minutes the rights of the girls’ father were terminated. It’s done. They are officially in custody of the state of Louisiana.

While my heart hurts for Angel and Christal I find comfort in knowing that God will never leave them or forsake them. I know that Matt and I will fight for them. I know that we aren’t giving anybody up. I just pray that God will give them peace and hope knowing that we’re a family and always will be…