It’s been a while. I’ve attempted to write this post at least six times. Each time approaching it from a different angle. I think I’m going to stick with this one…
One Sunday afternoon while I was cleaning house the Lord and I had life changing conversation resulting in me apologizing to Matt for some wrong attitudes and he doing the same. We also came to the conclusion that our decision to not adopt the girls wasn’t necessarily final. We both admitted that while we prayed and sought God, we didn’t do it correctly. We prayed selfish, one-sided prayers. We sought God for answers. We neglected to stop and recognise the holiness and awesomeness of God Almighty. Ultimately we repented for treating Him like a magic eight ball.
We felt like we needed to revisit the decision, not so much for a different answer, but because we felt very strongly that we went about it the wrong way. We both still believe that God is not as concerned with us making a right choice as He is with us seeking Him for who He is, not just because He’s got answers to our life decisions. We missed out. We missed out on the process of getting to know the heart and character of God better. So we scrapped the old answer and went humbly before the Lord, seeking Him.
We wanted to make sure that we weren’t just trying to get answers out of Him. So we went about it very intentionally individually and together. After spending some time seeking the heart of God and understanding a little bit more about His character, we decided that we are going to adopt the girls. Between the two of us we have experienced every possible human emotion. While it seems that we’re doing something good for Angel & Christal, once again God is showing us that’s not what it’s about. He uses absolutely everything to refine us and draw us to Himself for His glory. Angel & Christal just so happen to be His tool of the moment. For now we are still trying to seek God for who He is and loving two little girls in the process…
Things we’re praying for…
- Our marriage- that God would strengthen and protect it. We’ve never done anything like this before and it’s hard.
- Angel & Christal-they are torn between wanting to live with us forever and going back to their mom.
- Wisdom- when the adoption is final the financial help from the state will end. We need wisdom in planning financially for two kids.
- Glory- more than anything we want God to be glorified through our lives.
