Two Stories For The Price of One… November 4, 2009

I have two stories, but one requires background info. so here it goes…

Last Tuesday our case plan was moved to the adoption unit from the foster care unit. That means several things. First, we are officially in the adoption process. Second, there is now a whole new office, case worker and everything that goes with it. It also means we had to say goodbye to the girls’ social worker. This is the person that picked them up from school the day they were removed, placed them in each foster home, visited with them weekly and of course fell in love with them… how can you not:)? That was a tough day.

Enter the adoption worker. She came by to meet the girls yesterday and to do a home visit. These have happened on a monthly basis and will continue until the adoption is final. It only took the girls two point one seconds to warm up to her, shocking I know. “Do you want to see my room? Look at my report card. Wanna see my back bend? ” The questions never stopped and they did all their tricks in a matter of an hour. Finally, we came inside and the girls saw some forms on the table. Of course they asked what they were and if they could help fill them out. She told them they were to fill out after the visit and was more than happy to let them fill it out for her. There were general questions about their health, if they had adequate shelter, if they were happy, etc. Well each question got a check in the yes box until the happy question. Christal checked no. I asked her why she wasn’t happy expecting her to crack up laughing because she just “joked” me. She didn’t. She just shook her head and looked down and continued writing. She wrote that she was sad because she misses her mom. My heart broke. She went on to fill out the form and check yes in all of the other boxes. Then at the end there was a general question about me requesting any services. The worker told the girls they could just write down something they wanted. It could be anything. Christal covered her paper and told me not to look. Wish I could say I didn’t, but I did. I just glanced. Ok maybe I looked while she turned her head. She wrote that she wanted to go home to her mom. She folded the paper up and told the worker to give it to the people who could do those things for them.

And my heart broke a little bit more. Not because she wanted to go home to her mom, but because she thought that this new person was a chance to go home. I asked about it a little later and she told me what she wrote. I told her I was very sorry, but she won’t ever go home to her mom. She asked why and before I could answer Angel said, “because mom gave up, Sister.” Christal wanted none of it, but Angel repeated herself and told her that they were going to be here with us forever. Christal then dumped a basket of clothes on her head and started giggling… squirrel!

I hugged her and off to get ready for community group we went. Enter story number two. We had a bonfire in our backyard and roasted hotdogs and marshmallows. One of my dear friends in our group asked earlier in the day if she could bring her new blood hound puppy. Of course! I love puppies! Long story short, my dog snapped at the puppy and by snapped I mean broke its jaw and messed up its mouth pretty good. It ended in stitches, surgery and the dog’s mouth being wired. Needless to say there was a little bit of drama due to the heart wrenching crying of the puppy and the great amount of blood that was lost. Sidenote: I’m still sick about it and feel completely horrible.

Now to tie the two stories together… While Matt and a couple of other guys were tending to the puppy we were waiting for the verdict. Christal came inside and immediately put her head down next to me. I thought she was playing around and proceeded to pull her head up by her pony tail only to find a red, tear-stained face with tears still coming. I asked what was wrong and she said she was sad about the dog. I asked her why and she said it reminded her of her cat. This was the first time I had ever heard of a cat so I asked her, “what cat?” The tears started again and she told me, “the cat that I had at my mom’s. I had a dog and it ate my cat.” My first instinct was to laugh, but I controlled myself when I realized that my poor baby just had a whole day of missing her mom, her home and a life that she left unwillingly. The things that must have gone on inside that little head of hers. It made me sad for her.

Matt & I love these girls as if they were our own and at the same time are very aware that they have a mom and a dad that they love, a life that was normal to them, one they liked no matter how horrible any of it was. They still love them and still miss them. We are very conscious to make sure they talk about their family, their past and their home they had with ther mom. Whether we like it or not, it’s a part of who they are. We don’t ever want to be in a position of encouraging them to forget. If they forget where they’ve come from the beauty of what God has done will not be quite as apparent. While it’s sometimes hard for me to hear how much they miss their mom, I’m reminded it’s not about me. God called us to love these girls unselfishly and if that means we have days when they want to talk about going home to their mom, then so be it. So there you are, two stories for the price of one…

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? November 3, 2009

To get more candy… at least that was Christal’s answer. We were chickens for Halloween and by we I mean Angel, Christal & I. Matt was the farmer. At least that’s what we said . He is a farmer in his own right so being himself and calling him a farmer sufficed for us.

We may have had more fun making our costumes than actually wearing them. Here are some pictures…

 

Eternity Prep… October 26, 2009

“Your mission, dear mother, is not to make your children happy, but to prepare them for eternity…You must relentlessly evangelize their never-dying souls.” (Womanly Dominion p. 127-128)

That’s a quote I ran across one day that has been burned in my mind ever since. My mission as a mother is not to make my children happy, but to prepare them for eternity. Oh that’s all? (I hope you can sense my sarcasm.) What in the world does it mean to prepare your children for eternity? And what does that mean for me when more times than not I find myself trying to make up for the 8 & 6 years that I wasn’t able have Angel & Christal?

I’ve come to the conclusion that it means the same thing for me as it does any other parent. We are called to disciple our children or prepare them for eternity… I think that sounds a little more dramatic and urgent . I’m finding that it’s a much bigger task than I expected. When you are responsible for discipling your children there is no room for insecurities, excuses or plans to get to it when they’re older. The time is now. We can’t wait until we get everything straight in our own lives… let’s face it we’re all a hot mess.

It also seems pretty near impossible to disciple my child “in the way he should go,” without  having an ever-growing relationship with Christ myself. I have to do it out of the overflow, otherwise they can see right through me. If I’m not spending consistent time with the Lord how will I ever expect to teach Angel & Christal to? If I don’t treat  Matt with the honor and respect that he deserves as my husband and the head of our house, how will they ever learn to be a godly wife? It is imperative that I walk in the Spirit and live all of life trying my best to lay my flesh aside moment by moment if I ever expect to prepare two little girls for eternity.

Almost daily we are faced with opportunities to impart wisdom, teach, pray and redirect our children. If I’m not in tune with God, I will miss so many opportunities that He has lined out for me. I can’t sit back and think of all the times I haven’t gotten it right or missed opportunities, I have to choose today to walk in the Spirit and live that out in front of Angel & Christal. Then I have to do it all over again tomorrow.

There are so many lies that the stupid devil likes to throw at us, but we have to remember they’re lies. It’s never too late to start disciplining. Jesus Christ has the power to change any human life… yours, mine and our children. At the end of the day parents are still the ones that are responsible for preparing our children for eternity… relentlessly evangelizing their never-dying souls.

Clarification… October 19, 2009

I didn’t realize how passionate people would be about the whole dancing post. It opened my eyes to the various people who I didn’t even knew read the blog and also to the fact that maybe I didn’t communicate very well. I would just like to clarify…

I’m all about dancing in church, but dancing like a crazy person and turning around to see if people are looking is a whole other story. I haven’t told the girlsthey can’t dance. In fact I have encouraged them to do whatever they think would bring God the most glory, if it’s dancing, then dance, but do it for Him and not the other people watching.

I can say with full confidence that I haven’t crushed their spirits or scarred them for life. I really just think it’s a part of discipling them. There are things that are appropriate during the music portion of worship and things that are inappropriate and for some crazy reason, God has given Matt and I the responsibility of teaching them those things. We don’t always get it right, but we are doing the best we can with God leading every step.

Christal got her groove on during the music at church last night and I was completely ok with it. She was doing things for the right reason. I know it has made me check my heart to see why I do or don’t do things… and not just at church.

Dancing Machine… October 12, 2009

It has been brought to my attention that there are times during the music at church that my sweet little buddies can be a bit of a distraction, the littlest more so than the other. I had every intention of bringing it up during the week, but it just slipped my mind. I was quickly reminded during the first song when Christal started doing some crazy motions.

So during the welcome time I took the sisters aside and did my best to explain to them that we are there to worship God and give him all of our attention. They were totally in agreement. Then I transitioned as carefully as I could, as to not crush their spirits, to talk to them about people being distractions that bring others’ attention away from God and onto them. They were still in full agreement. I knew they didn’t get it, so I had to be a bit more blunt.

I told Christal that sometimes when she’s doing all her dancing and motions that people are paying attention to her and not God. She put her head down and said, “Mrs. Jess, I just can’t help it. When the music starts my body has to move.” She was dead serious. I tried my best to keep a straight face and explain that she can move in the confines of her space, but she can’t move outside of her box. She was ok with that.

We went back in and she stayed in her area. I couldn’t help but think that I somehow ruined that sweet excitement she gets during the music portion of worship. I’m sure as she gets older she’ll figure out the balance between dancing for God and putting on a show.

I can honestly say I don’t ever remember having that conversation with my parents. Am I the only parent that has a kid that just has to “move her body” when the music starts?

There is never a dull moment at our house…

I Miss My Mom… October 5, 2009

It’s been roughly a month since the girls last saw their mom. Since their last visit things have been really good. Everyone’s behavior has improved, grades have improved and attitudes are generally positive. I know that the fact that they know they’re not going anywhere has some to do with it. I also know that they are going to have to deal with the reality of not seeing their parents again at some point.

Friday night was the first of what I assume will be many melt downs. We were cleaning house and having a good time doing it. I went to check on the girls and they were folding sheets and Angel was crying. I asked her what was wrong and she just shook her head. Christal told Angel that if she didn’t tell me than she would. So Angel looked up at me and simply said, “I miss my mom.”

I sat down next to her so we could talk about it. I told her that of course she misses her mom and that’s completely ok and normal. Then I asked her what made her think about it. Earlier she and Christal were cleaning out their desk and she ran across some postcards. I saw them the other day and wondered if she was keeping them for something. Well, she was going through her stuff and decided to read them. They were cards that she wrote to her mom when she first came to stay with us. Basically she wrote them to tell her mom about how much fun she was having, all the people she’d met and places she’d been. She never gave them to her mom because she messed up on them. She wished she would have given them to her, even though she messed up on them.

By this time,the child that’s almost as big as I am was in my lap sobbing. We talked a little more about the things she missed about her mom. I assured her that I wanted to walk through this every step of the way, that I love her very much and that we would all get through this together.

Matt was in the living room and heard every bit of it. He just nodded his head. We knew it was coming, we just didn’t know when. After the tears were dried up, Matt asked the girls if everything was ok and Angel told him she was crying because she missed her mom. He told her that it was ok for her to cry about her mom. Christal chimed in, “Mr. Matt, I cried a little too.” We just looked at each other and smiled. Keep in mind she didn’t seem to be upset minutes before . I love that kid…

It’s going to be a long road and we’re very aware of it. We are just trying to respond the way Jesus would. No kid should ever have to process this stuff, but they do and we want to help them do it in the most healing way possible.

Court… October 1, 2009

Yesterday was the termination trial. Because the girls’ mom already surrendered her parental rights, we only had to go to trial to terminate their dad’s rights. It was an interesting day to say the least. I saw alot. The guy sitting next to me was a 15 year boy who had been arrested for distribution of crack. We chatted a while and I told him what I would tell any of the teenagers that I work with… I told him he should stop and that there was a better way to live. He shrugged his shoulders.

Sitting across from him was a mother who had her child removed from her home two days earlier because she overdosed on some prescription drugs and got pulled over with the kid in the car. She got there late and missed her review, but they went ahead and let her do her review last so she had to wait the rest of the day. She just rocked back and forth and fidgeted the whole time. She asked the teenager what he was there for and he told her and she started getting onto him for making such a bad choice. She said, “look at me, you don’t want to end up like this. You have your whole life ahead of you. You can do anything you want.” I got a lump in my throat. Next to her was a couple that was dressed up in what I’m sure was their best. You could tell that they were trying to give a good impression, but something was just awkward. They were there to find out if they would get their baby back. They completed their case plan and the outcome looked promising for them.

There were several other mothers that were there that had children that had been removed from their care. Some kids were with relatives and others “in the system”. So there I was, the foster parent. The one that in their eyes is the enemy. The one that in their mind abuses their children. I only know this because I heard all of them talking about it. Needless to say, I didn’t offer up why I was there. Instead, I just listened to their stories and managed to be involved in conversations without them knowing which side I represented. Funny they never even asked.

I saw alot yesterday… alot of hopelessness, despair, addiction, anxiety, anger, bitterness and on and on. It was heart breaking. While I saw alot, what I didn’t see was the girls’ dad. I knew he wouldn’t be there, but I still kind of hoped he would show up. Not so he could get his girls back… heck no, but I wanted him to fight for them. I can’t imagine what it would  feel like having my dad not even fight for me and my mom give me up. They deserve better than that. In 20 short minutes the rights of the girls’ father were terminated. It’s done. They are officially in custody of the state of Louisiana.

While my heart hurts for Angel and Christal I find comfort in knowing that God will never leave them or forsake them. I know that Matt and I will fight for them. I know that we aren’t giving anybody up. I just pray that God will give them peace and hope knowing that we’re a family and always will be…

Feed Me… September 29, 2009

“You should’ve said no, you should’ve gone home, you should’ve thought twice before you let it all go, you should’ve known word about what you did would get back to me.” That’s the chorus to a very popular Taylor Swift song that is often played at my house. I hadn’t really thought anything of it until Angel was walking around singing this song without it playing. She told me it had been stuck in her head for a whole week. That hit me like a ton of bricks. My sweet, precious, innocent Angel is walking around singing about being cheated on.

It’s no secret that Matt and I are pretty strict… no TV on school nights, bedtime is 8:00, there are chores, there’s no High School Musical, sometimes we make them turn off some of the videos on Disney. So my first thought was no more Taylor Swift! We’re having a CD burning party and I don’t mean copying. Then I realized the rediculousness of that solution. Yes, we try to shelter them from the world, but the truth is they have to live in the world. I was then smacked in the face with the reality that we have to teach them how to be in the world and not of it. Contrary to popular belief this is not a lesson that they should learn in the youth group. I have to start now.

How in the world do you do that? Well, I am forever indebted to one, Chase Batty for coming up with the Spirit dog/flesh dog analogy. It’s something that they get and we almost always go  back to which one you’re feeding. So on the way to somewhere (I don’t remember) we had a little talk about the stuff they put in their mind aka feed their Spirit dog. I explained that the things they do and say  come out of the overflow of their hearts. Of course they didn’t get it. Enter timeless analogy that I learned when I was a teenager… I asked them if they poured a glass of milk and let it overflow would the stuff that overflows be apple juice? Apparently I was crazy for thinking such a thing. So I made sure they understood that whatever they put in the cup is what is going to come out, if overflowed. I then tried to explain that it’s the same way with our heart and mind. If we put more Taylor Swift songs than Jesus songs in our minds, then our hearts will overflow with things like being mad because you were cheated on, instead of things about God and his love, etc…

Instead of me forbidding them to listen to Taylor Swift, I decided to wait and see. Is any of this stuff that we talk about getting through? It is. Low and behold the next day Angel was listening to her radio. She started of with good ole Taylor, but then changed it to some worship music.  I was so excited and proud that she chose to fill her mind with things above. I didn’t have to say a thing. She did it on her own. It’s way more precious to hear her singing , “lead me to the cross,” at the top of her lungs than, “you should’ve said no…”

Now I have to live out this whole put more Jesus in than world lesson. Once again, I have some areas I need to work on… Sorry Desperate Housewives’ of Atlanta, you’re gonna have to go.

My Autograph… September 24, 2009

I would like to begin by saying Mom and Dad, I’m sorry if you didn’t already know… I totally signed your name a time or two on papers for school. Now I’m being repayed.

The girls both have binders that come home everyday and I have to sign stuff saying that I have looked at it, etc. In the last week or so it has turned into a competition of whose binder I look at first. Well, yesterday it ended up in an all out yelling and fighting match. I was in a different part of the house and went to see what the heck was going on and as soon as they saw me the both said at the same time, “Mrs. Jess, you’re looking at mine first!” I just stood there and let them argue a bit more.

I gave them my best stern without yelling voice, “that’s it!! I’m not signing anyone’s binder!” (It really does make me laugh when they have looks of complete shock.) They just stood there. All of a sudden Angel wanted Christal to go first and vice versa. Nope, not signing them. I told them maybe Mr. Matt would do it.

Matt got home and he barely walked through the door before they were asking him to look at their stuff and sign their binders. Of course he had to give them a hard time. “I’ll sign it, but it’s going to cost you five bucks… cash.” Matt and I proceeded to the back porch to watch the rain and chat about our days.

Every five minutes Christal would come out with a suggestion. She offered to do all of Matt’s chores. Nope. She offered to give him everything she had. Nope. He wanted $5 cash. He didn’t really want their money, but at this point he was having too much fun picking .

We go in and Matt was getting ready to look at their stuff and I noticed a version of my initials on the top of Angel’s page. I asked her what it was. “Oh, I was just trying to write your name in cursive.” Yeah right. She planned on signing my name so she wouldn’t get in trouble. She hadn’t done it yet, but that was the plan… at least she admitted it.  Then I looked at Christal’s paper and saw the most pitiful attempt at my initials. You could see where they had erased it over and over trying to get it right. Apparently it was a group effort. They took turns trying to get it right.

That was one of the toughest things to fuss about without cracking up. Especially when Matt mentioned that people go to jail for forgery all the time. The end result was them having to go to bed early. When they do stuff that every kid does it cracks me up. Almost like a right of passage…

Are We Being Punked? September 21, 2009

Yesterday was one of those days. The girls spent the night somewhere else and Matt went to work. That meant that I got to sleep late. When I did finally get up I moved to the couch and went back to sleep. So basically my whole day included sleeping and watching TV. For some reason I was cranky… (can you sense my sarcasm?)

From the time I picked the girls up, until the time we left for church they could pretty much do no right. I didn’t yell and scream I was just short and harsh in all my responses. While I was getting ready for church I started realizing the error of my ways. Once again, I had to apologize to the girls. I’m telling you, I do that alot.

We were in route to church and I told the girls that I was sorry for being short with them. Angel responded with , “Mrs. Jess you’re always short.” What?! I quickly got defensive and told her that I’m not ALWAYS short. Then she said, “well, I’m almost as tall as you.” It took me a second and then I understood. So I had to explain that when you’re short with someone it means that you’re not very nice in the way you talk to them.

Then she called me out… “Is it because you didn’t feed your spirit dog?” Warning:  be careful what you teach your children. They are listening and understanding and they will use it against you. Not to be outdone, Christal chimed in, “Mrs. Jess, why didn’t you feed your spirit dog?” They were right. All I had done all day was sleep and watch TV. Not once did my thoughts turn to the Lord.

I told them they were both right and explained that walking in the spirit is a choice we make and that morning I didn’t choose to “feed my spirit dog”. I also told them that it’s never to late to choose to walk in the spirit. That just because I was grumpy and ugly to them the first part of the day didn’t mean the whole day had to be that way. I let them know that I asked God to forgive me and I had asked for their forgiveness so I could get up and move on from there… walking in the spirit. Living out my relationship with Christ in front of them can be very challenging… especially when they’re right.

This morning Angel walked by me while I was reading my Bible. She said, “Mrs. Jess, it’s good to see you feeding your spirit dog, but you’re still going to be short…”  Everyday I’m more and more convinced that our family could totally be a reality show. Wait a second… are Matt & I being punked?